Photo by ‘the meassure of mike’
Today is my official ‘Last Day at Work’ – After 25 years of working in the field of trauma recovery, I am retiring and closing my clinical mental health practice. That is an odd feeling, and I am sure I am going to write some more about the impact of that step. Although, everybody faces such a move at some point.
My focus in the future will be on writing. As you may or may not know, I have recently published my first book ‘Delicious Love Forever: Recipes for Lasting Loving Relationships‘, in which I combine my passion for great relationships and the 3 Principles with my love for sweet cakes and tarts and … all things yummy. You can check it out on Amazon.com – and buy it if you are so inclined.
To have a website that is more suited to my writing, I migrated from wordpress.com over to wordpress.org because of the more suitable set-up there. Those of you who have subscribed to this blog and have not automatically received notification of my last blog-posts, please go over to gudrunfrerichs.com and subscribed again there. I am afraid the technicalities of this whole moving thing is beyound my computer skills.
Thanks for having been a supporter of this site – all the posts here have been moved over to my new one, and you can be assured I will keep writing!
Over the last 20 years positive psychology and positive thinkers have suggested that by simply following a number of steps ‘Happiness’ is in our grasp. Who would not like the idea? But wait a minute …. if there were only 3, 5, or 7 steps to Happiness, would people not have achieved it by now? People are not stupid – at least not the majority. So what is wrong with the picture?
Happiness is not a commodity, a trade-able good that can be acquired by following a prescribed formula – like how to start your car’s engine. (more…)
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” This quote from Stephen R. Covey (The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change) describes succinctly the problem most people have when communicating. Most courses and trainings refer to ‘active listening’ as a desirable practice, yet it teaches people to listen to the words, the content, and then repeat it back to the speaker.
In contrast, deep listening as I understand it is listening for the meaning behind the words, is listening for the feeling that the words are pointing it. In a way, it is listening with a sense or curiosity WITHOUT checking with our own mind whether it makes sense to us, we can relate to it, whether it is stupid/reckless/naive to name just a few examples. If we would listen that way (checking with our own mind) we would only listen to our own thoughts about something and not to the other person. (more…)
The Auckland Three Principles Meet-up Group (check out here their website) is a place to learn about and deepen your understanding of the Three Principles as formulated by Sydney Banks and practiced today in many countries by a growing number of facilitators / coaches / counsellors in a wide number of contexts: business, personal growth, prisons, schools, families, sport, and high performance activities.
We had an interesting meeting last Friday during which we explored how people sustain their well-being. I would like to share one topic that comes up really frequently and … hence again last night as well: Why it is not useful to look back! It is easy to say “don’t look back – you are not going that way”, but people seem to get caught in trying to understand the thoughts that caused their distressing feelings. (more…)
Most people have enough common sense to mind the weather forecast. You can see that on the motorway when all the cars are slowing down as soon as it starts raining heavily. I remember back when we had a sailing boat, we wouldn’t go out when the winds were so high that the risk factor out-weight the pleasure that could be gained. Of course, there are most likely some exceptions, some people are dare devils who zoomed along the motorway with high-speed totally ignoring the conditions.
Most people however ‘drive to the conditions’. If the weather is particularly nasty, they might even elect to stay at home. It makes perfect sense considering that driving in stormy weather is not pleasurable, it’s dangerous, one’s field of vision is impaired, and you might not get very far. (more…)
Number two of the mistakes that kill the love in relationships is the conviction that MY view of things is right and YOUR views of things is wrong. I don’t think there has ever been a couple that presented for relationship counselling, coaching, or therapy that was not caught in that erroneous assumption.
To be fair, it is not only an affliction couples suffer from, but human kind in general follows that strict line of thinking. Hence the fights, wars, and conflicts we observe throughout history and present day circumstances. How much suffering happened because people thought they were right and hence their actions were justified: from human sacrifice, to slavery, to witch hunt, to wars, oppression, human rights …. the list is endless. (more…)
Stress is bad for you! It is a major health hazard of our time. Stressed people don’t think clearly, make un-wise decisions, have strained relationships, and engage in unhelpful and unhealthy behaviours.
Contrary to popular belief we don’t have to contend with stress. There are very few areas that are as much ridden with myths as the area of feeling stressed. Can you imagine that sitting an important exam, being stuck in traffic, being late for work, facing a financial crisis, dealing with chronic illness, seeing your marriage under threat, or learning that your child is in big trouble is not leading to overwhelming stress but peace of mind resulting in wise and creative actions?
Let me show you in my 3 Hour seminar how you can put a stop to being stressed. There are no techniques to learn; just bring your open mind to understand how stress is created so you can un-create it. Whether you are 14 or 64, when it comes to being your best at school, in exams, at home, or at work, you need to be stress free to be at your best.
Book you place in my STRESS BUSTER Seminar. For the month of May I have a facebook page action offering this seminar for $49 per person. Get this ‘50% off ‘ voucher by liking my page. After April the seminar will be back to the normal price of $98.