Psychological Solutions For A Better Life

Archive for the ‘Self-Help’ Category

Moving my Site


Photo by ‘the meassure of mike’

Today is my official ‘Last Day at Work’ – After 25 years of working in the field of trauma recovery, I am retiring and closing my clinical mental health practice. That is an odd feeling, and I am sure I am going to write some more about the impact of that step. Although, everybody faces such a move at some point.

My focus in the future will be on writing. As you may or may not know, I have recently published my first book ‘Delicious Love Forever: Recipes for Lasting Loving Relationships‘, in which I combine my passion for great relationships and the 3 Principles with my love for sweet cakes and tarts and … all things yummy. You can check it out on – and buy it if you are so inclined.

To have a website that is more suited to my writing, I migrated from over to because of the more suitable set-up there. Those of you who have subscribed to this blog and have not automatically received notification of my last blog-posts, please go over to and subscribed again there. I am afraid the technicalities of this whole moving thing is beyound my computer skills.

Thanks for having been a supporter of this site – all the posts here have been moved over to my new one, and you can be assured I will keep writing!

Photo credits

I Am Who I Am: A Reflection On The 3 Principles

I woke up this morning with the thought “I am who I am” on my mind. A peculiar thought for me at 6AM in the morning. Intrigued I started reflecting what that might mean for me and everyone else for that matter. The bible tells us God said to Moses: “Say this to the people of Israel, I AM has sent me to you”. ‘I AM’, no qualifier, not quantifier, just “I AM”. No more and no less. As if anything more would be limiting, taking away from, not doing justice to the speaker. And by doing so it can become everything.



So, here I am who I am (we are who we are). Not what you think about me, not how people judge or put their cherished expectations on me, not even what I think about me and my cherished expectations of myself. I am not a sinner nor a saint, not a mother, a teacher, a therapist, a lover, a cook, a wife, a sister, a daughter, or a philosopher. I am much more than that! I am neither clever nor dumb, soft nor harsh, beautiful or ugly, fat or thin, kind or malicious. I am all of that and none of that. That complexity is what makes us human beings so exciting as well as scary to be around. For the ‘Other’ we are what they see in us, but that’s not really who we are, it’s only the bit they recognize, the tiny bit that was revealed to them or they became aware of.

We are an expression of nature or in other words ‘the life force’ I like to call it MIND, others call it other things like ‘God’ that breathed life into us and gave us the power of THOUGHT, the ability to think and make sense of the world around us and within us. The third principle is CONSCIOUSNESS, our ability to become aware of and bring to life what we think.

Who AM I? Who are we? We are the sum-total of how we used Mind, Thought, and Consciousness to come to an understanding of ourselves and our world. Everything that ever happened to us or around us, we interpreted and we came to conclusions what that meant about us and about the world. How safe is the world? How safe are people? Is Life benign or malignant? We all are a product of how well we used Mind, Thought, and Consciousness over our life span.

How I have used the 3 Principles of Mind, Thought, and Consciousness over time to make sense of my past and my world has made a difference when I hesitated to cross certain ‘bridges’, not trusting the bridge, the people, or myself. I am sure I missed many opportunities to create something positive that way. How I used the principles to make sense out of my world has at other times enabled me to cross bridges with verve that sometimes lead me to a ‘better’ place while at other times left me ‘stranded’. Like the ‘Bridge to Nowhere’ – it was a pleasant walk, a very pleasant walk, but it didn’t lead anywhere.


I am who I am! Not how I have made sense of my past, or achievements, or disappointments. These are just thoughts. They are not reflecting reality, they reflect my current thinking of a certain time. My past was my past. It really happened. But how and what I think about it has been changing over the years many times depending on my state of mind. When we can see that our thoughts are just thoughts, not reality based evaluations about us or the world but fluctuating all the time, we become free. Then everything is possible, then “WE ARE WHO WE ARE – I AM WHO I AM.”

Am I at peace with myself? Yes and No. At times, when my mind wanders to pleasant moments, attached pleasant feelings flow through me and I am happy and at peace. When my mind wanders to moments of unmet needs, discord, or conflict, unpleasant feelings wash over me like a tidal wave. At those moments I am not at peace. If at those times I know that these moments are just echos from the past, unpleasant thoughts that I now remember and that cause unpleasant feelings, I can let them go and they become a passing thought, soon replaced by another, and then again by another, and inner peace is restored fairly quickly. If at those times I forget that my unpleasant feelings are just passing through thoughts of my past, if I give them a life of their own, let them into my house and cherish them for an hour, a day, or even longer, inner peace will take its sweet time to come to me, usually taking longer than I would prefer.

This will go on and on as long as we live. Nobody escapes this law of nature, these 3 Principles. However, what I do know is that when I am surrounded by people who respond in a caring, supportive, respectful, and loving way my thoughts usually wander into hopeful, uplifting realm of possibility and creativity. When surrounded by criticism, disinterest, or even disrespect, my thoughts wander more easily to negative and painful realms, awakening difficult and unpleasant feelings. At those times I need a lot of energy to hold on to ME and wall up against the negativity which leaves me with less room for creative life choices.

I am who I am – and life’s circumstances do not determine my well-being, but the way I think about these circumstances do. However, just like a fish is more alive and agile in clear, healthy water, so am I – so are we. It pays to check regularly the quality of the water we swim in to make sure we swim the best we possibly can.

Auckland Three Principles Group for Sustainable Wellbeing: Why not to look back

2011-05-Monster-MAC-Bike-punctureThe Auckland Three Principles Meet-up Group (check out here their website)  is a place to learn about and deepen your understanding of the Three Principles as formulated by Sydney Banks and practiced today in many countries by a growing number of facilitators / coaches / counsellors in a wide number of contexts: business, personal growth, prisons, schools, families, sport, and high performance activities.

We had an interesting meeting last Friday during which we explored how people sustain their well-being. I would like to share one topic that comes up really frequently and … hence again last night as well: Why it is not useful to look back!  It is easy to say “don’t look back – you are not going that way”, but people seem to get caught in trying to understand the thoughts that caused their distressing feelings. (more…)

How to access your innate health

Dr. Judith Sedgeman explores with Kimberley Porter in this 55 minute video clip the three principles of Mind, Consciousness, and Thought at the “Innate Health” Conference in London, December 2011.

Not only are they explaining the principles behind our lived experience, they are also answering frequently asked questions regarding the impact of experiences and circumstances on our thoughts and feelings.

Readers who are interested in finding out more about how the three principle understanding can be useful in everyday life are encouraged to contact me on 09-486.3770. You can also find more clips from the conference on the Tikun Website


The Happiness Problem

Most people are interested in finding happiness. We measure our quality of life by being happy, by having a deep-seated sense of well-being and peace of mind, by being content with where we are heading in our life.

Positive Psychology has given us plenty of research data that shows that happy people have longer lives and have significantly better physical and mental health. All good reasons to pursue happiness, aren’t they?

Positive Psychology has also provided us with plenty of ideas and steps of how to achieve happiness. They are not particularly earth-shattering news, rather more common sense: eat well, sleep well, have good friends, have good relationships, have a job you enjoy, and have time to relax and have fun. You can read up about those steps in an article I wrote 3 years ago.

Now, 3 years later, the question that has to be asked is how come that in spite of these simple guide lines people are not entering the place of bliss-full happiness by the millions? It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to follow these common sense steps. Why are we not turning into a world full of very, very happy people? (more…)

Eliminating Stress Effortlesly

Stress is a major contributor to serious physical and mental health problems. Conventional ways of dealing with stress through medication or stress management strategies don’t seem to be effective, because the occurrence of stress is on a constantly increasing upwards curve. Learning how to deal with the stress of running late for a meeting doesn’t seem to help people with dealing with a truant teenager.

Conventional methods only treat the symptoms but don’t address the cause of a person feeling stressed out. I am conducting several Information Evenings that will show

you are only one thought away from

~ Being stress free and having peace of mind
~ Bringing out the best in yourself and people
~ Maintaining mental and emotional stability
~Dealing with any problem easily
~ Finding your internal resilience and wisdom
~ Being in control

What would you say if you could be shown the principle how to put stress from relationships, work, family, parenting, or life in general behind you simply by understanding your mind and your ability to think?

What would you say if I showed you that you have the ability to access peace of mind and happiness in an instant?

Wouldn’t you want to know about it?

You will not have to learn new ways of doing things or talk about problems from your distant or recent past.  All that is required is a sense of curiosity and interest in finding out about your most precious part: your MIND.

To find out more follow this link

Lets Talk About Stress (2)

Thoughts Create Feelings

Everyone knows E. Roosevelt’s quote “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent” – we all know that “You can’t make me angry, only I can do that”. How come we lost the knowing that our thoughts create our feelings when it came to stress? Whatever we take in through our senses will be processed through out filters (history, memories, biases, etc.) and be given meaning by us – in the form of a conscious or unconscious thought. Upon that thought we react with a state, mood, or feeling. Therefore, feelings do not give you information about the circumstances of your experience in life. However, they are a reflection of your thinking.

What does this mean for stress?

When you feel stressed and out of control, you are thinking thoughts that don’t come from a place of balance and being at peace. Instead, you probably attempting to solve a situation with analytical thinking without having all the information. Lets take the following example: When you gave a presentation last week you colleagues did not agree with you and had different view points. You are now thinking that you don’t fit in, people don’t like what you are doing, you might not get the promotion you were hoping for, actually, you don’t like you job anymore and hate getting out of the house in the morning, wondering whether you should look for another job. You get more and more stressed.

The first step is to

  • realise that your feelings of distress signal that your thinking is off-balance.
  • Knowing that thoughts are just thoughts, and don’t reflect reality but you interpretation of reality, you can let them pass through you mind, allowing other thoughts to come up. Don’t pay attention to them. You are most likely using analytical, hectic thinking without having all the data – indeed, most of your thoughts are guesswork and catastrophic thinking.
  • Tell yourself with a smile and a chuckle “Here I go again, thinking weird things”.
  • When you are in a more balanced state of mind, you will see immediately that thoughts of a different quality will come to you. They always will, because we humans are thought producing machines!  🙂

You actually don’t have to do anything else.

If you want to explore how the 3 Principles can change your life, give me a call and we make a time to talk!

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