Psychological Solutions For A Better Life

Archive for the ‘Beliefs’ Category

Moving my Site


Photo by ‘the meassure of mike’

Today is my official ‘Last Day at Work’ – After 25 years of working in the field of trauma recovery, I am retiring and closing my clinical mental health practice. That is an odd feeling, and I am sure I am going to write some more about the impact of that step. Although, everybody faces such a move at some point.

My focus in the future will be on writing. As you may or may not know, I have recently published my first book ‘Delicious Love Forever: Recipes for Lasting Loving Relationships‘, in which I combine my passion for great relationships and the 3 Principles with my love for sweet cakes and tarts and … all things yummy. You can check it out on – and buy it if you are so inclined.

To have a website that is more suited to my writing, I migrated from over to because of the more suitable set-up there. Those of you who have subscribed to this blog and have not automatically received notification of my last blog-posts, please go over to and subscribed again there. I am afraid the technicalities of this whole moving thing is beyound my computer skills.

Thanks for having been a supporter of this site – all the posts here have been moved over to my new one, and you can be assured I will keep writing!

Photo credits


I Am Who I Am: A Reflection On The 3 Principles

I woke up this morning with the thought “I am who I am” on my mind. A peculiar thought for me at 6AM in the morning. Intrigued I started reflecting what that might mean for me and everyone else for that matter. The bible tells us God said to Moses: “Say this to the people of Israel, I AM has sent me to you”. ‘I AM’, no qualifier, not quantifier, just “I AM”. No more and no less. As if anything more would be limiting, taking away from, not doing justice to the speaker. And by doing so it can become everything.



So, here I am who I am (we are who we are). Not what you think about me, not how people judge or put their cherished expectations on me, not even what I think about me and my cherished expectations of myself. I am not a sinner nor a saint, not a mother, a teacher, a therapist, a lover, a cook, a wife, a sister, a daughter, or a philosopher. I am much more than that! I am neither clever nor dumb, soft nor harsh, beautiful or ugly, fat or thin, kind or malicious. I am all of that and none of that. That complexity is what makes us human beings so exciting as well as scary to be around. For the ‘Other’ we are what they see in us, but that’s not really who we are, it’s only the bit they recognize, the tiny bit that was revealed to them or they became aware of.

We are an expression of nature or in other words ‘the life force’ I like to call it MIND, others call it other things like ‘God’ that breathed life into us and gave us the power of THOUGHT, the ability to think and make sense of the world around us and within us. The third principle is CONSCIOUSNESS, our ability to become aware of and bring to life what we think.

Who AM I? Who are we? We are the sum-total of how we used Mind, Thought, and Consciousness to come to an understanding of ourselves and our world. Everything that ever happened to us or around us, we interpreted and we came to conclusions what that meant about us and about the world. How safe is the world? How safe are people? Is Life benign or malignant? We all are a product of how well we used Mind, Thought, and Consciousness over our life span.

How I have used the 3 Principles of Mind, Thought, and Consciousness over time to make sense of my past and my world has made a difference when I hesitated to cross certain ‘bridges’, not trusting the bridge, the people, or myself. I am sure I missed many opportunities to create something positive that way. How I used the principles to make sense out of my world has at other times enabled me to cross bridges with verve that sometimes lead me to a ‘better’ place while at other times left me ‘stranded’. Like the ‘Bridge to Nowhere’ – it was a pleasant walk, a very pleasant walk, but it didn’t lead anywhere.


I am who I am! Not how I have made sense of my past, or achievements, or disappointments. These are just thoughts. They are not reflecting reality, they reflect my current thinking of a certain time. My past was my past. It really happened. But how and what I think about it has been changing over the years many times depending on my state of mind. When we can see that our thoughts are just thoughts, not reality based evaluations about us or the world but fluctuating all the time, we become free. Then everything is possible, then “WE ARE WHO WE ARE – I AM WHO I AM.”

Am I at peace with myself? Yes and No. At times, when my mind wanders to pleasant moments, attached pleasant feelings flow through me and I am happy and at peace. When my mind wanders to moments of unmet needs, discord, or conflict, unpleasant feelings wash over me like a tidal wave. At those moments I am not at peace. If at those times I know that these moments are just echos from the past, unpleasant thoughts that I now remember and that cause unpleasant feelings, I can let them go and they become a passing thought, soon replaced by another, and then again by another, and inner peace is restored fairly quickly. If at those times I forget that my unpleasant feelings are just passing through thoughts of my past, if I give them a life of their own, let them into my house and cherish them for an hour, a day, or even longer, inner peace will take its sweet time to come to me, usually taking longer than I would prefer.

This will go on and on as long as we live. Nobody escapes this law of nature, these 3 Principles. However, what I do know is that when I am surrounded by people who respond in a caring, supportive, respectful, and loving way my thoughts usually wander into hopeful, uplifting realm of possibility and creativity. When surrounded by criticism, disinterest, or even disrespect, my thoughts wander more easily to negative and painful realms, awakening difficult and unpleasant feelings. At those times I need a lot of energy to hold on to ME and wall up against the negativity which leaves me with less room for creative life choices.

I am who I am – and life’s circumstances do not determine my well-being, but the way I think about these circumstances do. However, just like a fish is more alive and agile in clear, healthy water, so am I – so are we. It pays to check regularly the quality of the water we swim in to make sure we swim the best we possibly can.

Stress Is Bad For You!

openmind1Stress is bad for you! It is a major health hazard of our time. Stressed people don’t think clearly, make un-wise decisions, have strained relationships, and engage in unhelpful and unhealthy behaviours.

Contrary to popular belief we don’t have to contend with stress. There are very few areas that are as much ridden with myths as the area of feeling stressed. Can you imagine that sitting an important exam, being stuck in traffic, being late for work, facing a financial crisis, dealing with chronic illness, seeing your marriage under threat, or learning that your child is in big trouble is not leading to overwhelming stress but peace of mind resulting in wise and creative actions?

Let me show you in my 3 Hour seminar how you can put a stop to being stressed. There are no techniques to learn; just bring your open mind to understand how stress is created so you can un-create it. Whether you are 14 or 64, when it comes to being your best at school, in exams, at home, or at work, you need to be stress free to be at your best.

Book you place in my STRESS BUSTER Seminar. For the month of May I have a facebook page action offering this seminar for $49 per person. Get this ‘50% off ‘ voucher by liking my page. After April the seminar will be back to the normal price of $98.

Think for Yourself

This morning I came across an article called “How energy vampires drain your spirit and soul” suggesting that negative, demanding, inconsiderate, and un-boundaried people drain your energy, leaving you exhausted and depleted. To protect yourself from such drain it is suggested that you limit contact, set boundaries – indeed the author came up with 11 ways to do so. The only thing missing was garlic.

Of course, like all vampire stories, the idea that a person can drain your energy isn’t true either – even though there may be a lot of people who believe that other people, circumstances or events can ‘DO’ something to you. However, human beings are just not built like that. Sorry! We don’t come with power sockets or USB ports that other people can – without our consent – plug into and upload or download files, feelings, thoughts, or for that matter energy. (Actually, in ‘the land of psychiatry’ the notion that someone can make you do things or gives you thoughts or feelings, is an indication of psychosis). Let me show you what I mean:


Stress: How can I stop that?

When I talk about stress I mean all these feelings that come as ‘entourage’ of thoughts of worry, fear, anxiety, and all forms of obsessive thinking. Most people, when they think about it, see that their feelings are directly connected to their thoughts – thoughts about circumstances and events people consider worthy of feelings of worry, fear, or anxiety.

The next question I often hear is “How can I stop them?” quickly followed by some ideas how to think positively, to go for a run, meditate, do DBT or EFT, mindfulness, or some other interventions depending on what ideas people are leaning towards. The idea is – and it is a reasonably good one – to change the problematic thought. Think positive, reframe, meditate, or go for a run, to name just a few. However, as most people know, today’s problem is quickly replaced by tomorrow’s dilemma … and so on, and so on …!  (more…)

Being in the market for ‘Good Feelings’

I love going to the farmers market on a sunny Sunday morning. Actually, I love going to the market any day of the week, it’s just that normal week days are often too busy for a leisurely walk through stands filled with inviting fruit and vegetables, nick knacks, pots and pans, old rusty tools, tempting pastries and cakes, clothes and pottery to name just a few. On some days I am going home with bags full of goodies, on other days I just stroll and buy nothing.

I woke up this morning thinking how close life resembles the market. There is so much on offer, there are so many different experiences one can have, yet I don’t have to ‘buy’ into it. The stand holders can’t make me buy anything if I don’t want to. Sometimes I let myself be talked into buying something I later regret. Still, it’s me making the decision to buy. My thoughts about what I see in front of me create a feeling of wanting which then leads to a purchase. (more…)

Love is Everywhere!


The subatomic particles
love each other so much
they form an atom,
which loves the other atoms
so much they get together
and form a molecule
which loves the other molecules
so much they bind together
and create matter
material reality
which is so attracted
to other matter
that it collaborates
and cooperates
and works together and creates
binding together
and life is born
and love amplifies
love animates
our very
To not recognize
the overwhelming amount
of love present
in the world
around you
is to just be blind.

Wake up

Poem by – Eric Allen Bell
click the link to get to his website (more…)

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