Psychological Solutions For A Better Life

Is This Really A Feeling?

Emotions"I feel I am really in touch with my emotions! However, often I feel as if people are not interested in what I have to say! Sometime they even give me the feeling as if they are bored with me or think I am stupid. That makes me feel like having enough of this. I really feel I deserve more respect."

The above could very well be a typical conversation I am observing in my practice, in groups, or in private situations. People use a lot the word 'feel'. And that is pretty good, because the moment we access our feelings and express them, we have a much greater chance to connect with others.

But are the examples really really examples of feelings? Take the first sentence; what do you know about the person's feelings? Is the person proud, pleased, satisfied? We know nothing about his/her feelings. What is expressed is a thought, a concept, an observation, dressed up with the word feel.

Actually, it's a perfect example of poor communication. The observation is not accurate because it's diluted with a judgment, and feeling doesn't even come into it. Every time you can substitute the word 'feel' with the word 'think' you are expressing a thought, not a feeling. Beware of the words

that, like, as if,

they signal to you that you are expressing a thought! This is different when you do express a feeling. Then it doesn't make sense to exchange the word feel with the word 'think'. You can't say >>> I think sad, I think hungry, I think tired. It just won't work.

If you use thinking words dressed up as feeling words, you are not connecting. Sadly, you are not connecting with yourself and how you really feel, and you are certainly not connecting with others.


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