The secret to effective and successful in communication with a partner, friends, family, colleagues, or acquaintances lies in a person knowing her/himself. Only when you know yourself, when you know why you act, behave, and being aware about your beliefs and values will you be able to understand the other person.
Why is that? That’s a good question. It has to do with the way our brain functions. We will never be able to encounter another person without projecting or transferring material from our own life onto the other person. Everyone transfers feelings (positive or negative) they have about significant people in their childhood onto people in the present that have traits that remind them in some ways of the person from the past.
By Our Personal Experiences
When We Communicate
With Another Person.
In fact, people’s perceptions of others are so much influenced by their past experiences, that they rarely perceive others for who they really are. This is all good news when these experiences have been positive. Have they been negative, however, we struggle with current relationships.The negative impact of past experiences on today’s relationships can only be remedied by self-exploration that leads to self-awareness. What were your past experiences? How have they influenced you? Of whom from your past does your partner/friend/colleague/boss, neighbour remind you? These are all important questions.
Such self- awareness is the basis for Emotional Intelligence (EQ). It basically means that you know why you feel the way you feel and that you know how your emotions make sense in the context of your life.It also means that you have a reasonably good handle on your emotions and will not 'dump' on others. By the way, EQ is nowadays considered indispensable for success in personal relationships and more so in professional relationships and career advancement.
Let me demonstrate to you how people are influenced by past experiences.You meet a total stranger with tattoos all over his arms, neck, and face. You immediately are forming an opinion of likes or dislikes, you may be afraid or impressed. You most likely have a judgment about the person. And all of that took place without you knowing any of the person. Your judgment will be based on your past experiences, beliefs, and values and have nothing to do with the real person you just met.
You could say your judgment is totally based on your assumptions which in turn are based on your past experience. If you grew up in amongst sailors you might get a sense of safety and 'coming home' when you notice the tattoos. If you grew up in a middle class conservative family you might feel unsafe and threatened. Your response has nothing to do with the person you just met, but all with you and your history! To communicate effectively you will have to know about the things that influence you!