You have read the book, haven’t you? Or at least you have heard about it, or seen it on one of the TV afternoon talk shows? You will have learned that men and women are different. Problems in relationships occur because these gender differences. In particular, women talk too much about their feelings and men talk too little about them. This main gender difference is the key to marital discord if you follow the Mars-vs-Venus principle.
If you are a woman you know now that you make things worse in your relationship because you always give advice. If you are a man you should know by now that you make things worse in your relationship by trying to solve her problems and not helping out at home. However, the author gives you a way out for the ‘helping out’ dilemma: you ‘give it all’ at work or in the office.
With this overwhelming onslaught of gender stereotypes it’s a surprise that we have not reverted back to Orang-Utan civilization. It’s pretty discouraging. Who will want to go to couples counselling and learn new communication skills when it has all to do with being different? The solution is to look for a same-sex partner if we want a good working relationship?
By closer inspection the concept of Mars-Men and Venus-Women is limping profoundly. Let’s just see what the author’s credentials are. John Gray has received his PhD in an unaccredited correspondence course, doesn’t hold a practicing license, has never written any professional articles about the topic, and never studied couples in a research setting. This lack of credentials however seems to qualify him perfectly to become the pop-star in the eyes of hungry readers who struggle in their relationships but can’t be bothered to go and acquire the skills needed to have interactions with their partners that are geared towards connection instead of alienation.
People have a valuable car that is looked after, maintained, and regularly serviced. They have a house that is looked after, maintained, and regularly checked out. If people want a beautiful garden they maintain, weed, water, and care for it. Only when it comes to relationships they act as if they don’t have to be cared for, maintained, cared for, and sometimes serviced. It is the strangest phenomenon.
What happened to common sense and serious research? John Gottman, professor of psychology at the University of Washington, has spent most of his career to observe and research people’s behaviours in relationships. He has written more than 100 articles in professional journals and published the book “Why Marriages Succeed or Fail” (Simon&Schuster). Check the Amazon books in the side bar for more details about the book.
Here is an excerpt of readers’ review from amazon.com
- a lasting relationship results from a couple's ability to resolve conflicts
- criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and withdrawal signal trouble
- the ratio of positive to negative moments must be at least 5:1 for a good marriage
- More sex doesn't necessarily improve a marriage
- Frequent arguing will not lead to divorce
- Financial problems do not always spell trouble in a relationship
- Wives who make sour facial expressions when their husbands talk are likely to be separated within four years
- There is a reason husbands withdraw from arguments… and there's a way around it
If you are looking for good guidance for your relationship problems, “Why Marriages Succeed or Fail” provides just that, based on thorough research and observation. As both men and women are from Earth, it would be a smart move to look at ways to improve your communication with your partner and find ways to connect.