You might be surprised to hear that having successful relationships has nothing to do with finding the right partner or colleague but everything with psychology and how our brain functions. Having a successful relationship is a project, not something that people can acquire by being especially skilled in spotting the best suitable partner. Successful relationships are like a garden: You have to attend to it – regularly – to make sure it stays in shape.
So, what are the psychological and biological influences on having successful relationships? The answer is TRANSFERENCE. Everyone transfers feelings (positive or negative) on others. Usually people transfer feelings they have about significant people from their childhood onto people in the present that have traits or features that remind them in some ways of a person from the past. Let me show you how that works: Look at the three pictures here and – without a lot of thinking, notice your first impression, your first reaction to each of them:
What was your first reaction? I am sure you had an instant reaction about each of the pictures although you don't know any of the people show. Your 'judgement', whether positive or negative has something to do with people in you life that you used to know and with whom you had either pleasant or unpleasant experiences. If someone has some similar traits to a person from your past – even if it's really remote – you will transfer your feelings from the person from your past on the person in your present. It's biology.
You can't avoid transferring onto others. Everyone does it, it's part of our brain being 'efficient, quick, and economical. You cannot not do it. However, you can be aware of it. Actually, you should try as hard as you can to be aware of your transferences so that you can SEE the people in your present life as who they are and not as people with a transposed image of a person from your past.